My Confession

I am not happy.

When January 1, 2008 came around I thought this is opportunity I need to make a fresh start on life in several aspects: academically, financially, actively, and most especially socially.

Particularly socially because throughout my school years in Toronto, I was not the social type. I wanted to be. Growing up where I did, my parents taught me not to trust anyone and to focus on school, only have a couple of intelligent friends. That's all.

But I wanted to be social. I wanted to go to parties. Hang out with people and more than anything have an easy and fluent conversation with people. What I mean by that is not having to think what to say and not being afraid of saying something with the fear being that I'm making a fool of myself and that no one is interested in me or what I have to say.

It seems that I'm aiming to make others like me. Am I socially awkward? I try not to take offense from what others may say about me. If I do take offense, how can others feel comfortable around me?

It's the beginning of August and I'm no where near where I wanted to be. To be honest I had not set any goals for those aspects of life I mentioned when 2008 began.

I have been alleviating my unhappiness with junk food. It seems to do a good job with giving me that instant gratification.

I went home to Toronto for the long weekend. On the bus ride home, I came to a realization. How could such a simple thought have not come across my mind earlier.